Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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