; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
