Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
