'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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