So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
