i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
