Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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