I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
