blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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