Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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