today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
