When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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