forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
