WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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