Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
