Fuck appropriateness.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
