i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Help. Why am I so naked?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
