help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
