Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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