so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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