I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
