Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
