Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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