Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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