I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
