A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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