3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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