I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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