I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize