I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
