Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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