I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
