You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
