I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
