During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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