Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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