R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
