Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
