the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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