ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think your dad took our porno
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
