we have officially lost it.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
