Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
