So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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