if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
