Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think I have vodka in my lungs
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
