Rock
Scissors
Fuck
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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