I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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