And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
