Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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