im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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